I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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