Where are you?
In a non slutty way
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
