apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
