She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
