She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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