Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
