Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
