i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
