I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
