I can text with my tongue
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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