I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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