i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
you told grandpa to call you daddy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
