Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
there is glitter all over my balls
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