Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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