I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
