So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
