just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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