help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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