She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
