Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
