If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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