would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
