Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
