Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
