I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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