margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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