Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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