ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
