Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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