i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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