thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
