So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
