he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My liver just had a heart attack.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
