I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
