Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
