this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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