I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
