I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
