So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
