my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
