At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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