first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
