so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
then he tried to convert me to islam
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
