the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
