i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
