He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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