Why are handjobs necessary in class?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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