i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
