Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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