I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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