I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
