We're like a lot better than the average bears
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
