i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
