I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
