Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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