she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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