i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
