I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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