All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
