Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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