How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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