South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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