Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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