Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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