Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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