I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
