So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
accomplished twins. life is a go
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
