remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
