# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
