Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
