His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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