So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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