I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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