Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
