standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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