and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
