i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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