I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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